Last weekend we went to a wedding. Over the past week you would have found me muttering at random, "who gets married in the winter?" - anger at the bride and groom because I had nothing to wear to a winter wedding. ( I ended up with a sleeveless, light blue dress worn only once when I was pregnant with Asher, to our last law school event, covered with a wrap.)
About half way into the 5+ hour drive I looked at the cover of the book I was reading - A Wedding in December. Huh. Irony. (It's January, but close enough.) Needless to say I finished the book during the ten hours of driving there and back, and I realized I finally have a favorite author - Anita Shreve.
I've read several of her books; The Last Time They Met, The Pilot's Wife, All He Ever Wanted, Light on Snow, but none of them really got me like Wedding did. I guess because I'm in this place of remembering, and the story was about a group of high school friends who gather, 27 years after graduation, for the wedding of two of the group. Their friendship is bonded and haunted by the death of one of their classmates just before graduation. It's a great story, and I love how Shreve inserts these great words like, "enuii" into her text.
A work of fiction by one of the characters was included and at first I was turned off by the story within the story at random in the chapters, but I ended up almost more curious about that story the the first one!
Anyway, the wedding was beautiful, but I didn't know anyone and Terry and I kind of regretted making all that effort to get out there. At least I got to finish my book!
Oh, and work is good so far. It's so nice to have something productive to accomplish during the day and feel no guilt about plopping in front of the TV for an hour at night. It's 25+ hours a week, just enough. And if I have trouble getting out of bed at 6:30am, I just remember that I'm working for the military and it's families!!!
Have a great week everyone!
Monday, January 29, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
A good week
It's Monday and school is delayed for two hours because of snow (blech), so while my boys watch TV/play Legos and the yet to be used bottle of bubble bath I bought a month ago when I was really depressed sits shattered on my bathroom floor, purple soap oozing across the tiles, I thought, "What better time to blog?", since these days will be fewer when I START WORKING THIS WEEK!
First you probably are dying to know how the bullying situation turned out: Gabe whipped all their butts.
Ok, I'm kidding. Actually Terry went to the bus stop and made Gabe face this little brat. Some background first though: When Terry came home from Iraq, Gabe's teacher asked if Terry would like to come and speak for Veteran's Day, which he did. Of course the kids had lots of questions for him about Iraq (he premised his talk with "I won't answer any questions about killing people"). One kid who we now know as "the bully" had lots of questions for Terry. Fast forward to last week.
Terry asked the kid if he remembered Terry. The Bully said, "yes." Terry asked him where he lived and the Bully actually told him! So Terry spoke to the kid's mother and she was very upset that her son was doing these things to Gabe. When Terry told her one of the things her son was doing was making fun of Gabe because he was slapped in the face and cried about it, she said, "He got a lot of nerve! That kid cries at everything. And you tell Gabe that." It was sweet. So, then we called the school and talked to Gabe's teacher who gave each kid a special "no bullying" talk, and the principal who reassured us that we did the right thing, which we hate, because sometimes she is a bit condescending to us young parents. Anyhoo, it seems to be worked out, but I'm definitely keeping my eye on things.
The last week has been just crazy, actually this whole month has been busy. I feel great about the job I chose. I went with a group of four other ladies from my new place of employment, to be on a panel of spouses/parents of deployed service members. In front of about 20 psych students, for three hours, we talked and talked about our experiences. It was surprising that the other four women had worked together for years, some during their kids'/husbands' deployments, but never shared this much. Amazing isn't it? I held back a little out of respect for my husband, but it was so cathartic to tell an audience, "This is what it was like for me, and this is what you can do to help others in my situation."
I chose a daycare for Asher, but I'm only about 85% on it. It's definitely temp until I can find a place with an opening, or I may love it and I'll keep him there, we'll see. Meanwhile I'm hiring a friend with hopes this nasty flu thing will pass and Asher won't drag it home with him the first day of daycare.
I'm also taking on another project for another NP that has helped me through the years. I must have, "I love to volunteer" written on my forehead :) So, I'm going to be crazy busy in February.
Also, I'm so proud that I met my goal to write an article a week. One article, done, ready to ship off to an editor who will say, "You are amazing. Will you join our staff? We've never had a mom write about parenting before." Yes, you can laugh at me.
Lastly, we booked our trip to Disneyworld!!!!! It's real! We saved for it during the deployment and kept delaying it, but we've finally dried our tears from sticker shock, and are ready to go. It's not for a few months but it feels good to have the flight and hotel reservations on the corkboard.
At this rate, who knows, we may actually get lucky enough to buy a house this year.
First you probably are dying to know how the bullying situation turned out: Gabe whipped all their butts.
Ok, I'm kidding. Actually Terry went to the bus stop and made Gabe face this little brat. Some background first though: When Terry came home from Iraq, Gabe's teacher asked if Terry would like to come and speak for Veteran's Day, which he did. Of course the kids had lots of questions for him about Iraq (he premised his talk with "I won't answer any questions about killing people"). One kid who we now know as "the bully" had lots of questions for Terry. Fast forward to last week.
Terry asked the kid if he remembered Terry. The Bully said, "yes." Terry asked him where he lived and the Bully actually told him! So Terry spoke to the kid's mother and she was very upset that her son was doing these things to Gabe. When Terry told her one of the things her son was doing was making fun of Gabe because he was slapped in the face and cried about it, she said, "He got a lot of nerve! That kid cries at everything. And you tell Gabe that." It was sweet. So, then we called the school and talked to Gabe's teacher who gave each kid a special "no bullying" talk, and the principal who reassured us that we did the right thing, which we hate, because sometimes she is a bit condescending to us young parents. Anyhoo, it seems to be worked out, but I'm definitely keeping my eye on things.
The last week has been just crazy, actually this whole month has been busy. I feel great about the job I chose. I went with a group of four other ladies from my new place of employment, to be on a panel of spouses/parents of deployed service members. In front of about 20 psych students, for three hours, we talked and talked about our experiences. It was surprising that the other four women had worked together for years, some during their kids'/husbands' deployments, but never shared this much. Amazing isn't it? I held back a little out of respect for my husband, but it was so cathartic to tell an audience, "This is what it was like for me, and this is what you can do to help others in my situation."
I chose a daycare for Asher, but I'm only about 85% on it. It's definitely temp until I can find a place with an opening, or I may love it and I'll keep him there, we'll see. Meanwhile I'm hiring a friend with hopes this nasty flu thing will pass and Asher won't drag it home with him the first day of daycare.
I'm also taking on another project for another NP that has helped me through the years. I must have, "I love to volunteer" written on my forehead :) So, I'm going to be crazy busy in February.
Also, I'm so proud that I met my goal to write an article a week. One article, done, ready to ship off to an editor who will say, "You are amazing. Will you join our staff? We've never had a mom write about parenting before." Yes, you can laugh at me.
Lastly, we booked our trip to Disneyworld!!!!! It's real! We saved for it during the deployment and kept delaying it, but we've finally dried our tears from sticker shock, and are ready to go. It's not for a few months but it feels good to have the flight and hotel reservations on the corkboard.
At this rate, who knows, we may actually get lucky enough to buy a house this year.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
It's raining jobs...
This is going to be quick and dirty.
The last week has been crazy for me. After about 30 resume submissions and about as many rejections/no answers I got THREE job offers last week and one yesterday. WTF? Feast or famine, right?
I agonized over my options:
#1 A nonprofit in the city, decent pay, about an hour commute, would have to wrangle for flex hours to be home when school gets out. It would be rewarding, challenging, a perfect career move for me. But I didn't have any emotional pull to it. AND they were dragging out the second interview and decision for over a week, all while saying I was the "top candidate."
#2 A nonprofit local to my home, crappy pay, 15 minute commute, set my own hours, can be home for kids whenever I need. Very rewarding, helping the military community, total new set of skills, not a challenging job, not within my career field really (though writing skills are paramount), I know people there, feels more like family than colleagues. I've volunteered for them before.
#3 An editor of a small magazine covering minority businesses, NO telecommuting, a micromanaging boss, part time, didn't get far enough to know the salary, but he's interested in a story I wrote to try and seal the deal and rush a decision, and he asked me to profile a TV personality that you may know, (but I can't say), which of course I jumped at the opportunity to do :)
#4 A nonprofit internship - just called that as a way to get me paid to work on a very specific project. They've helped me lots, I would do it for free and may still if the "intern" stipend will cover my babysitting costs.
I chose number 2, with the hope of upping my pay, and getting a better title. I didn't get either, but I don't think I could find a more flexible job or a place that I would rather be. Anyway, that's only the half of it.
THEN, there is the daycare situation. I bawled for about two straight days about putting Ash in daycare. It's only three days a week during school hours, but it's a big change for us. I've been home with him for three years and managed to hold down a full telecommute job for half that time, but this is the big step into preschool for him (and me). It's the end of an era. :( Oh, and I'm terrified he'll be sick for the first 9 months.
Send positive vibes my way...
The last week has been crazy for me. After about 30 resume submissions and about as many rejections/no answers I got THREE job offers last week and one yesterday. WTF? Feast or famine, right?
I agonized over my options:
#1 A nonprofit in the city, decent pay, about an hour commute, would have to wrangle for flex hours to be home when school gets out. It would be rewarding, challenging, a perfect career move for me. But I didn't have any emotional pull to it. AND they were dragging out the second interview and decision for over a week, all while saying I was the "top candidate."
#2 A nonprofit local to my home, crappy pay, 15 minute commute, set my own hours, can be home for kids whenever I need. Very rewarding, helping the military community, total new set of skills, not a challenging job, not within my career field really (though writing skills are paramount), I know people there, feels more like family than colleagues. I've volunteered for them before.
#3 An editor of a small magazine covering minority businesses, NO telecommuting, a micromanaging boss, part time, didn't get far enough to know the salary, but he's interested in a story I wrote to try and seal the deal and rush a decision, and he asked me to profile a TV personality that you may know, (but I can't say), which of course I jumped at the opportunity to do :)
#4 A nonprofit internship - just called that as a way to get me paid to work on a very specific project. They've helped me lots, I would do it for free and may still if the "intern" stipend will cover my babysitting costs.
I chose number 2, with the hope of upping my pay, and getting a better title. I didn't get either, but I don't think I could find a more flexible job or a place that I would rather be. Anyway, that's only the half of it.
THEN, there is the daycare situation. I bawled for about two straight days about putting Ash in daycare. It's only three days a week during school hours, but it's a big change for us. I've been home with him for three years and managed to hold down a full telecommute job for half that time, but this is the big step into preschool for him (and me). It's the end of an era. :( Oh, and I'm terrified he'll be sick for the first 9 months.
Send positive vibes my way...
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Getting to know me 2007
Place an X by all the things you've done, or remove the x from the ones you have not, and send it to all of your friends (including me). But you have to click forward before you can change answers. This is for your entire life:
(x ) Smoked a cigarette
(X) Drank so much you threw up
() Crashed a friend's car
() Stolen a car
(X) Been in love
(x) Been dumped
( x) Shoplifted
( x) Been laid off/fired
(x) Quit your job
() Been in a fist fight as an adult?
(x) Snuck out of your parent's house
(x) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back (who hasn't?)
( ) Been arrested
( x) Gone on a blind date
( x) Lied to a friend
(x) Skipped school
( ) Seen someone die
( x) Been to Canada
(X) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
( x) Been lost
(X) Been on the opposite side of the country
( x) Gone to Washington, DC
(X) Swam in the ocean
() Felt like dying
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
() Played cops and robbers...Cowboys and Indians
(X) Recently colored with crayons
(x) Sang karaoke
( x) Paid for a meal with only coins
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't...
(x) Made prank phone calls...
() Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(X) Danced in the rain....
() Written a letter to Santa Claus
() Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) made a bonfire on the beach
() Crashed a party
(X) Gone roller-skating
(X) Ice-skating
> Any nicknames? Pretty girl
> Mother's name? rosanna
> Drink? Vodka Cran
> Tattoos? yes--singular, not plural
>Body piercing's? Yes, ears
> Birthplace: Cali
>Favorite Vacation Place: Disney
> Ever steal any traffic signs? No
> Ever been in a car accident? many
> A, B, C, D, DD cup size? B
> 2 Door or 4 Door? 4 Door
> Salad dressing? Honey mustard
>Favorite pies? apple
>Favorite number? 7
>Favorite movie? Too many; mostly girly stuff
>Favorite holiday? Christmas
> Favorite food? Mexican
> Favorite day of the week? Fridays
> Favorite brand of body soap? Cetaphil
> Favorite TV show? Lost
> Toothpaste? Mentadent
> Favorite smell? Baby breath
> What do you do to relax? read
> Message to your friends reading this? I love you all.
>How do you see yourself in 10 years? A kid in college, a kid in high school, a lot more money, a bigger home, an established writer – but just as happy as I am today.
>What do you do when you are bored? blog
> Furthest place you will send this message around the country? Koel is somewhere in Asia I think.
(x ) Smoked a cigarette
(X) Drank so much you threw up
() Crashed a friend's car
() Stolen a car
(X) Been in love
(x) Been dumped
( x) Shoplifted
( x) Been laid off/fired
(x) Quit your job
() Been in a fist fight as an adult?
(x) Snuck out of your parent's house
(x) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back (who hasn't?)
( ) Been arrested
( x) Gone on a blind date
( x) Lied to a friend
(x) Skipped school
( ) Seen someone die
( x) Been to Canada
(X) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
( x) Been lost
(X) Been on the opposite side of the country
( x) Gone to Washington, DC
(X) Swam in the ocean
() Felt like dying
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
() Played cops and robbers...Cowboys and Indians
(X) Recently colored with crayons
(x) Sang karaoke
( x) Paid for a meal with only coins
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't...
(x) Made prank phone calls...
() Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(X) Danced in the rain....
() Written a letter to Santa Claus
() Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) made a bonfire on the beach
() Crashed a party
(X) Gone roller-skating
(X) Ice-skating
> Any nicknames? Pretty girl
> Mother's name? rosanna
> Drink? Vodka Cran
> Tattoos? yes--singular, not plural
>Body piercing's? Yes, ears
> Birthplace: Cali
>Favorite Vacation Place: Disney
> Ever steal any traffic signs? No
> Ever been in a car accident? many
> A, B, C, D, DD cup size? B
> 2 Door or 4 Door? 4 Door
> Salad dressing? Honey mustard
>Favorite pies? apple
>Favorite number? 7
>Favorite movie? Too many; mostly girly stuff
>Favorite holiday? Christmas
> Favorite food? Mexican
> Favorite day of the week? Fridays
> Favorite brand of body soap? Cetaphil
> Favorite TV show? Lost
> Toothpaste? Mentadent
> Favorite smell? Baby breath
> What do you do to relax? read
> Message to your friends reading this? I love you all.
>How do you see yourself in 10 years? A kid in college, a kid in high school, a lot more money, a bigger home, an established writer – but just as happy as I am today.
>What do you do when you are bored? blog
> Furthest place you will send this message around the country? Koel is somewhere in Asia I think.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Tell Congress what military families need
The National Military Family Association is preparing its legislative and policy goals for 2007. Congresspeople count on NMFA to keep them updated on the needs of the military families, so tell 'em!
www.nmfa.org/whatsimportant
www.nmfa.org/whatsimportant
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Slammin the door on '06. Bring on 007
After three months of training and 12 months in Iraq, Terry returned home to us on July 29, 2006. The tour was the reason for starting this blog. He’s been home for five months and we’re almost at that 6-month mark where everything is supposed to be peachy. It’s not, but it's better than it was.
There’s been a trade off of “issues;” some good exchanges, like he can drive without swerving away from every bag, bottle, and branch on the road, and some bad. A lot of the PTSD issues are muted, or missed (I sleep through them.) Asher is no longer afraid of Terry though. In fact they are pretty close. Just yesterday when Asher got hurt, he ran to daddy and not me. We both recognized it as a milestone. We discovered that Gabey was actually embarrassed that his dad was in Iraq, because, as a Reserve family, he goes to a public school and there weren’t any other kids with parents deployed, but a few with parents in the military, so anything that makes you different in 2nd grade makes you "weird." I feel terribly that I didn't work harder to find families with kids who also had deployed parents that he could befriend and be super proud of his dad. That is my biggest regret in all this.
We did so many fun things after he got back. We postponed our Disney trip to the spring and opted for New York, Williamsburg, and lots of nights out alone or with friends. There was some fun recognition too. We were interviewed by the Pentagon Channel for a documentary and spoke at the board meeting of a nonprofit that supported our boys while he was deployed. We also were honored by another nonprofit that I’m now trying to get a job with. :) (Always the opportunist.)
We celebrated both our birthdays (his 30th). His parents visited for Thanksgiving and celebrated Asher’s birthday with us.
We finally committed to a church and have made some great friends there. Of course those we like the best are active Army. One of my active friends is moving in only two months. I am so heartbroken. She and I met and became fast friends towards the end of Terry’s deployment when her husband was at OCS. He’ll probably get deployed in 2007 and I wish I could be there for her.
Terry got his raise, the one he would have likely received had he not been deployed, but he did have to fight for it. In the end he even got the back pay and they backdated it to one year from when he started. It was a wonderful Christmas present.
So it wouldn’t be New Year’s without a look back at a crazy 2006. First, some stats. By a vote of 26 comments, Reuniting Part III was the most popular entry of the year.
Bloggers I miss (who I suspect are now blogging in anonymity)
Marie
Melanie
Please come back to us!!
January 2006
Last year I pledged to read more, write more, better swimmer and take acting lessons. I hit all of ‘em except the acting lessons; and I attempted that one. My class was cancelled due to lack of interest! I was so bummed at the time.
I would soon be very depressed for the rest of the tour.
Feb 2006
The second half of Terry’s tour was the worst. Close calls, lots of death around him; I heard a lot of it. And it started to shake me up. It still does.
My love affair with iTunes began in Jan. I made about 12 CDs for Terry during his tour. These were some of my favorite songs.
Also Terry went back to Iraq after two weeks at home.
April 2006
I’m feeling really crazy at this point
May 2006
You gave shout-outs to Terry when things got tough over there.
Deployment Anniversary
Grey’s finale was more than a finale. I missed my husband. I missed my “wife” who was in Germany with her soldier on his leave from Iraq. I still miss Denny!!!
The surviving spouses equity act didn’t pass. Don’t stop calling and writing your congressperson whenever you think of it. We can’t bring their service members back to life: Those spouses deserve some real equity.
My first Memorial Day that meant more than a day off.
June 2006
The process of redeployment begins!! We hear what to expect when our soldiers return. Some foreshadowed issues did pop up too, when our soldiers returned…
Tough questions from Gabe that I will never forget
We meet President Bush
July 2006
Terry comes home! But you don’t hear about it until…
August 2006
A quick note to let you know he’s back
Then, part II and II’s sobfest.
Still one of the best memories after Terry came home…enjoying live music under a clear evening sky in the summer, eating ice cream, dancing.
September, October, November
I think you can remember the few posts that popped up those months. ;)
Happy New Year!
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Remember Me
I'm working on a stupendous end of the year post, but until then, you have to see this video over at HH6.
Love it.
Love it.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Christmas 2006
I have a full weekend for Christmas this year. Church this morning. Church tonight. Asher is a sheep in the church play. Gabe is a wise man (of 20 wise men :). I am a sewer extraordinaire.
In between our treks to church Gabe and I will be baking cookies. Chocolate cookies. Sugar cookies. Peanut Butter cookies. Yum. We will mix, and cut, and bake, and frost until our little fingers are stiff from frosting.
Last night Terry made pies. Pumpkin, cherry, enjoying a slice of pecan from the store while baking. We will relive the birth of Christ in a multiplex watching "The Nativity." We will indulge our boys and laugh at their squeals during "Night at the Museum." We will fill our day with songs and food and love. We have too many gifts, spent too much money.
We only think about today because this Christmas daddy is home.
Merry Christmas to my fellow bloggers and readers!
Remember our troops are without their families on this special day!!
Like we were last year.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
The truth about Milspouses
Anyone read SpouseBuzz? A post began, "If I wasn't milspouse..." and you finished the sentence. This was a really interesting thread because among the canned, "I'm proud to be a milspouse" comments (including my own) there were a lot of hurting wives and husbands out there. Spouses cheating on TDYs and deplyoments. Spouses feeling backstabbed by their friends. Failing FRGs. No one to call.
I can only relate to those last two gripes, I think in part because our marriage had been through the ringer long before the deployment, but we held it together, so we were stronger, but also as a Reservist, he doesn't go away as often. However, it worries me that so many spouses feel so angry and hopeless when so much is expected of our military.
We were interviewed by the Pentagon Channel several weeks ago (sorry no link) and my husband said that if families aren't happy, soldiers aren't happy and they'll start leaving. I guess that wasn't exactly prophetic since retention is low right now, particularly among captains. An article I read earlier this year talked about West Point's class of 2000. One third left after their five year obligation. And Captains from any commissioning source are leaving in droves.
Terry thought about it. In fact after he was in that IED he was like, "I'm done." That one moment of thinking he could die out there sealed the deal for him, but after the dust settled we couldn't give up 13 years of service just like that. Anyway, I digress.
I may have been naive when I went into this deployment, and post-deployment experience, but now I think that the military is failing families in a lot of ways, don't even get started on how widow(er)s are treated. True, spouses have to be proactive too, but when they're frantically looking for help and there is none, who is responsible? Terry's getting a lot of attention from local hospitals because he had a brain injury and I thought, does everyone get this kind of help? He practically laughed, "of course not!" If you're NOT proactive about getting help, you pretty much don't. But I guess that's true for anything in life. I think it's also partly because of our location, partly because we absolutely refuse to be stuck with any medical bills later on down the road, which were a result of his tour, and I think partly because he represents the military well, and isn't afraid to say if he thinks the military isn't doing it's job right, i.e. tell the world that we're not being taken care of. But what about the specialist who goes back to college after watching friends be blown to pieces in Iraq and now silently battles PTSD, but doesn't want to appear weak, or admit he needs help? Or what if he is married? Who is taking care of his wife? Whose job is it to reach out and not let them fall through the cracks?
This may be old news, but it really worries me; especially now that Bush is talking about upping troop levels. Of course I'm worried that they'll scratch out the every 4-5 year rotation clause for Reservists and call us up in the next year or so, but mostly I'm worried about my active duty friends who have lived without their spouses for so long. One who is on the verge of losing her marriage altogether.
Read some of these comments and tell me what you think
http://www.spousebuzz.com/blog/2006/12/if_i_wasnt_a_mi.html
I can only relate to those last two gripes, I think in part because our marriage had been through the ringer long before the deployment, but we held it together, so we were stronger, but also as a Reservist, he doesn't go away as often. However, it worries me that so many spouses feel so angry and hopeless when so much is expected of our military.
We were interviewed by the Pentagon Channel several weeks ago (sorry no link) and my husband said that if families aren't happy, soldiers aren't happy and they'll start leaving. I guess that wasn't exactly prophetic since retention is low right now, particularly among captains. An article I read earlier this year talked about West Point's class of 2000. One third left after their five year obligation. And Captains from any commissioning source are leaving in droves.
Terry thought about it. In fact after he was in that IED he was like, "I'm done." That one moment of thinking he could die out there sealed the deal for him, but after the dust settled we couldn't give up 13 years of service just like that. Anyway, I digress.
I may have been naive when I went into this deployment, and post-deployment experience, but now I think that the military is failing families in a lot of ways, don't even get started on how widow(er)s are treated. True, spouses have to be proactive too, but when they're frantically looking for help and there is none, who is responsible? Terry's getting a lot of attention from local hospitals because he had a brain injury and I thought, does everyone get this kind of help? He practically laughed, "of course not!" If you're NOT proactive about getting help, you pretty much don't. But I guess that's true for anything in life. I think it's also partly because of our location, partly because we absolutely refuse to be stuck with any medical bills later on down the road, which were a result of his tour, and I think partly because he represents the military well, and isn't afraid to say if he thinks the military isn't doing it's job right, i.e. tell the world that we're not being taken care of. But what about the specialist who goes back to college after watching friends be blown to pieces in Iraq and now silently battles PTSD, but doesn't want to appear weak, or admit he needs help? Or what if he is married? Who is taking care of his wife? Whose job is it to reach out and not let them fall through the cracks?
This may be old news, but it really worries me; especially now that Bush is talking about upping troop levels. Of course I'm worried that they'll scratch out the every 4-5 year rotation clause for Reservists and call us up in the next year or so, but mostly I'm worried about my active duty friends who have lived without their spouses for so long. One who is on the verge of losing her marriage altogether.
Read some of these comments and tell me what you think
http://www.spousebuzz.com/blog/2006/12/if_i_wasnt_a_mi.html
Thursday, December 14, 2006
It's the most wonderful time of the year
In today's blog post:
I think we're all still in turkey comas. My blogging friends are all MIA.
I have not been writing much because my eyes are sore from job hunting on the web. (I even have to get my eyes checked because I find myself squinting at the screen a lot lately. But I think glasses would make me look smart. Don't you?)
And hooray! Terry finally got his raise (nearly a year later than he would have if he had not deployed, but I'm trying to focus on the positive here folks). But, we still can't afford a house until I start bringing something in. It will happen soon. I'm just believing...and there's always the Johnny Rockets that just opened up down the road. eek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile, Gabe is taking TaeKwonDo, and just earned his first blue tape. Whatever that means; he's proud of it
Asher, well, he's three now, which only means he has more words with which to con us all out of disciplining him. He says, "But I'm a BABY" or "But daddy I'm your son." Seriously. He says this.
Can you even believe that Christmas (yes, I said CHRISTMAS) is just around the corner? I have to sew a sheep costume, make mashed potatoes for 15 people, commit 10 Christmas songs to Gabe's memory, buy our Christmas "I'm eating 5,000 calories today" feast, and buy Terry's gifts - in the next 10 days. Oh, and try to get a job. And make trading card ornaments with my kids' faces on one side and their "stats" on the other. And ship six presents to my family. And force my children and husband to watch Meet me in St. Louis, Little Women, and It's a Wonderful Life with smiles on their faces while eating popcorn, and sipping hot chocolate just so I can believe I'm etching a holly jolly Christmas into their memory.
And a partridge in a pear tree.
I'm also organizing a badly needed girls night out. "The Holiday" and gallons of alcohol are on the to do list. That's a nice segue to the juicy part of this blog that, if you've hung in this far into my pointless post, you will want to comment on.
Three words. Britney and Paris. They have reached new depths of worthlessness. I'm hoping the EPA will storm Ahnold's office and demand we deport them to suck another country's air, so anyone D list or lower can breath what good oxygen there is left in L.A. And I'm ashamed that I get sucked into their vat of stinking nothingness whenever I see a headline on MSN Entertainment cry, "OOPS, SHE FORGOT HER PANTIES AGAIN!" and then click on the link.
"Dear Santa,
Please run over the Pantyless Pack and deliver their gifts to 777..."
And lastly folks, I must say to my people of Seattle: SERIOUSLY????? YOU TOOK DOWN CHRISTMAS TREES SO THE ENTIRE COUNTRY CAN SEE YOU COWERING IN YOUR HEMP SHOES AND L.L. BEAN PARKAS RATHER THEN JUST PUT UP THE DAMN MENORAH OR HELL, EVEN LET HIM SUE? You redeemed yourself and replaced the trees, but I am terrified to tell anyone that I called Seattle home at one point. Grow some. And I don't mean trees or weed.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good flight.
- Updates
- Christmas to do crap
- Britney
- SeaTac Airport Christmas fear
I think we're all still in turkey comas. My blogging friends are all MIA.
I have not been writing much because my eyes are sore from job hunting on the web. (I even have to get my eyes checked because I find myself squinting at the screen a lot lately. But I think glasses would make me look smart. Don't you?)
And hooray! Terry finally got his raise (nearly a year later than he would have if he had not deployed, but I'm trying to focus on the positive here folks). But, we still can't afford a house until I start bringing something in. It will happen soon. I'm just believing...and there's always the Johnny Rockets that just opened up down the road. eek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile, Gabe is taking TaeKwonDo, and just earned his first blue tape. Whatever that means; he's proud of it
Asher, well, he's three now, which only means he has more words with which to con us all out of disciplining him. He says, "But I'm a BABY" or "But daddy I'm your son." Seriously. He says this.
Can you even believe that Christmas (yes, I said CHRISTMAS) is just around the corner? I have to sew a sheep costume, make mashed potatoes for 15 people, commit 10 Christmas songs to Gabe's memory, buy our Christmas "I'm eating 5,000 calories today" feast, and buy Terry's gifts - in the next 10 days. Oh, and try to get a job. And make trading card ornaments with my kids' faces on one side and their "stats" on the other. And ship six presents to my family. And force my children and husband to watch Meet me in St. Louis, Little Women, and It's a Wonderful Life with smiles on their faces while eating popcorn, and sipping hot chocolate just so I can believe I'm etching a holly jolly Christmas into their memory.
And a partridge in a pear tree.
I'm also organizing a badly needed girls night out. "The Holiday" and gallons of alcohol are on the to do list. That's a nice segue to the juicy part of this blog that, if you've hung in this far into my pointless post, you will want to comment on.
Three words. Britney and Paris. They have reached new depths of worthlessness. I'm hoping the EPA will storm Ahnold's office and demand we deport them to suck another country's air, so anyone D list or lower can breath what good oxygen there is left in L.A. And I'm ashamed that I get sucked into their vat of stinking nothingness whenever I see a headline on MSN Entertainment cry, "OOPS, SHE FORGOT HER PANTIES AGAIN!" and then click on the link.
"Dear Santa,
Please run over the Pantyless Pack and deliver their gifts to 777..."
And lastly folks, I must say to my people of Seattle: SERIOUSLY????? YOU TOOK DOWN CHRISTMAS TREES SO THE ENTIRE COUNTRY CAN SEE YOU COWERING IN YOUR HEMP SHOES AND L.L. BEAN PARKAS RATHER THEN JUST PUT UP THE DAMN MENORAH OR HELL, EVEN LET HIM SUE? You redeemed yourself and replaced the trees, but I am terrified to tell anyone that I called Seattle home at one point. Grow some. And I don't mean trees or weed.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good flight.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Cool way to thank the troops
I received this link in an email and I just love it! Take five minutes to send a card and support the troops, especially now that it's the holiday season and Iraq or Afghanistan is the last place they want to be right now.
Go to www.letssaythanks.com to select a card (cute ones made by kids!) type a message and send it to a servicemember. Hey, if Whoopi Goldberg can do it, you can too! (Though, is her message rather cryptic?)
Go to www.letssaythanks.com to select a card (cute ones made by kids!) type a message and send it to a servicemember. Hey, if Whoopi Goldberg can do it, you can too! (Though, is her message rather cryptic?)
Saturday, November 25, 2006
I'm an angry, patriotic, female...
...who believes in the right to arm yourself. LOL!
I'm such a sucker for these things. So I did three...
I'm such a sucker for these things. So I did three...
| You Are 72% American |
 Most times you are proud to be an American. Though sometimes the good ole US of A makes you cringe Still, you know there's no place better suited to be your home. You love your freedom and no one's going to take it away from you! |
| Your Inner Child Is Angry |
 You're not an angry person. But when you don't get your way, watch out. Like a very manipulative kid, you will get what you want. Even if it takes a little kicking and screaming. |
| Your Brain is 80% Female, 20% Male |
 Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you! |
Monday, November 20, 2006
Some thoughts on life right now
First, does anyone know what happened to Melanie???
As you can see the writing has dropped dramatically. I guess my life is now a normal stay-at-home-mom, married to a part time soldier routine - and I like it like that - but it feels so, off. Not normal. I'm used to chaos and uncertainty. Actually there is a degree of uncertainty still and I think that's my problem.
Let's go back to last Thanksgiving. Terry was in Iraq and had survived his first (and only) IED. Some friends had died and we were pretty much in the dumps. He more than I. I planned to order dinner from the store. Everyone knows I don't like to cook, so, as if that wasn't reason enough, I also didn't want to think about Thanksgiving alone, but I wasn't going to skip the holidays because I just couldn't do that to the boys. We ended up being invited to another soldier's home, had a beautiful time, and made some fun memories. It's so strange to look back and think it's been a year. I was six months into the deployment and starting to really feel the strain of single motherhood, etc, etc, but today it's a 360. Terry is home, his parents are visiting, Asher and Gabe are fabulous children and growing more adorable by the second.
Gabe just started TaeKwonDo. My husband was (is?) a black belt and took third place in a national competition back in the day (*cough*ten years ago*cough*) so I think it gives him a little thrill to see his son starting in the sport. Gabe loves it. He was determined to get his first belt before his grandparents came to visit. And he did. And it's only going to cost over $100 a month. (WTF?!?!!)
Asher is talking so much! I realize this may be my last baby and I'm nostalgic for his infancy already. He was such a beautiful baby.
And is still kinda cute - pirate's "aaaarrrrrgggg" and all.
He is turning three next week. THREE!!!! I just can't believe it. He was only one when Terry left,but through the wonders of technology Terry was actually able to be there for Ash's 2nd bday.
In fact, Terry's only missed one birthday out of the three he was deployed through. He was able to schedule leave time around Gabe's in 2005. He missed Gabe's 8th birthday though...
So back to me. Now that he's back we're trying to get back on track, but we don't know what that means. It's not like we just picked up where we left off. Everything's changed. Gabe is this young man who has opinions on where he wants to go to school and what sports he wants to play and what girls he likes and dislikes. Asher says crazy things like, "It was an accident" when he hits his brother or, "That's crap" when he's mad. (Yup, parents of the year). I'm like, "STOP CHANGING EVERYTHING!" to Terry because he. keeps. changing. stuff. around. the house. I'm like, "The vacuum cleaner works fine if Gabe holds the wires together, just leave it alone!" No, I'm not afraid of change, why do you ask?
But seriously, the big black cloud over our heads is how or CAN we move past this? Can we put this behind us? Can HE put this behind us? SHOULD we put this "behind us"? I don't know. I don't think it's possible to forget the things he saw and experienced that I have to cover my ears and say, please don't tell me anymore. Please let's not think about those families that will never be whole again. I just want to believe that someday their loved ones will come home too, but I know it's not true. And then I feel guilty for wanting to forget about Iraq. I want to move away from here, but I know you can't outrun these things. And there are things attached to that urge to flee. I don't even know if we should physically move. It's too expensive where we live. Well, too expensive for a nonfirm lawyer and stay at home mom, and I guess that's true all over the country except Wisconsin or friggin Utah or something and there's no way I'm moving there. Just when I thought I understood this whole "life" thing I see that the decisions don't get easier. This is the best way I can sum up my life right now:
The Waiting Place......for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to goor the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or a No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
At the same time, I am so very grateful for all that I have. If I lived in this house for the rest of my life, drove the same old car, did the same job, but my children were healthy and my husband was home, I would be happy. I am blessed.
Did I mention Asher was born on Thanksgiving? Yes. He reminds me everyday how blessed I am. Confused. But blessed.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Thanks Veterans!
My husband, my grandfathers, my father in law, my husband's grandfather and great grandfather, my aunt, my friends in the real world, my friends in the blog world, those in heaven, those on earth -
Thank you
You are our national treasures.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Vote
A few things to remember as you vote:
- The FY 2007 National Defense Authorization Act includes only a 2.2 percent pay raise for military families - the lowest in 12 years. The House asked for 2.7 but went with the 2.2 percent offered by the Bush administration.
- The DIC offset was rejected in NDAA.
- The National Guard left over $30 million in equipment in Iraq and needs over $40 million.
Remind your Congressperson that they work for us.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Not a soldier, not yet a civilian
We are a reserve family. I feel that now more than ever. At an FRG roundtable today, I felt almost like an intruder. All our soldiers are home, most are back to work. Of course I know that life is not normal for all of them. If our family's experience is anything like theirs, it is a daily battle to keep “Iraq” at bay in our minds and our hearts. Post traumatic stress is a very real thing. We say it so much sometimes I think it loses it's impact. I don't have to stretch my imagination very far to see how someone could be completely immobilized by it, nor do I wonder why servicemen and women who see horrifying things bury the thoughts so deep that they don't think they need help. It sucks. You feel "weak." Who wants to feel depressed and scared all the time? At least, that's what I've heard.
So, we are a reserve family. I got caught up in having a husband deployed and so claiming my rights as an active duty family, which was fair then, but daily life as a reservist not on active duty really doesn't deal with the military that much. Well, MY daily life doesn't, or didn't, time will tell how it is from now on. He still has responsibilities that are not limited to one weekend a month.
You know what really made me realize just how different my experience is? CBS’s show The Unit. On the last episode one woman rallied her FRG to help other women who didn't have money for food because the Army didn't pay their soldier. I was like, "What?!" (Oh, that and the FRG leader asking each woman who spoke, what her name and her husband's rank was. WTF? I have never seen that happen. Reserves. My husband may outrank someone in the Army who could be his boss in the civilian world!)
Now, the Army has definitely screwed up our pay (how 'bout those mysterious "debt" payments?) but we don't depend on it like active duty families do. It pretty much covers the car payment, insurance and some change. Incidentally, one of the many wonderful things we've experienced with him going back to his civilian job, including not getting a promotion and office squatters, is missing a paycheck. I was freaking out. I was like, "Honey, haven't you been working for three weeks? Why haven't we been paid?" So I can see how your only employer not paying you is monumentally different than a drill check not coming through on time.
One more example. Today, still being on transitional benefits, I go to the post pharmacy to fill two new prescriptions, which is not as simple as going to your local grocer. I have to check in with the three Vogons, who enter prescription orders. Why it takes three when there is only one line and one computer, I don't know. I hand them my ID card, which is totally different from active duty dependents cards so before they smugly turn me away I say, "I'm on TAMP." Vogon 1 has no idea what it is so she says, "What!?" as if I just asked her to drop and give me ten. "Temporary coverage. My husband just came off orders."
"Oh. I'll have to look you up."
She grabs the card from my hand and, at which point I start having flashbacks to my local pharmacy (hm. Maybe civilian life isn't so different after all), she asks, "What are you getting filled?"
I stare at her for a minute to see if she's serious, and seeing that she is I ask, "You want me to divulge my personal medical information to you?"
She stares back at me.
Vogon 2 says, "We're not just people sitting here, we're pharmacy technicians."
Meanwhile, Vogon 3 is tsk, tsking Asher for sucking on the counter. He's just the right height to open his mouth and suck on the edge. I know. Gross. This time I agree with her and I tell him to stop. I acquiesce and hand Vogon 1 the prescriptions.
When I pick them up, one was entered wrong. She tried to kill me that Vogon witch! I wanted to go back and say something to her. If I hadn't asked how to take the pills, I would have read the label and taken about five more pills than I needed. Yeah. Not cool.
Anyway, I have a much clearer picture of how different we are then the active duty, despite a 15-month deployment. I guess it takes longer than that to really know the military life. But I have moved five times in the last 8 years…
So, we are a reserve family. I got caught up in having a husband deployed and so claiming my rights as an active duty family, which was fair then, but daily life as a reservist not on active duty really doesn't deal with the military that much. Well, MY daily life doesn't, or didn't, time will tell how it is from now on. He still has responsibilities that are not limited to one weekend a month.
You know what really made me realize just how different my experience is? CBS’s show The Unit. On the last episode one woman rallied her FRG to help other women who didn't have money for food because the Army didn't pay their soldier. I was like, "What?!" (Oh, that and the FRG leader asking each woman who spoke, what her name and her husband's rank was. WTF? I have never seen that happen. Reserves. My husband may outrank someone in the Army who could be his boss in the civilian world!)
Now, the Army has definitely screwed up our pay (how 'bout those mysterious "debt" payments?) but we don't depend on it like active duty families do. It pretty much covers the car payment, insurance and some change. Incidentally, one of the many wonderful things we've experienced with him going back to his civilian job, including not getting a promotion and office squatters, is missing a paycheck. I was freaking out. I was like, "Honey, haven't you been working for three weeks? Why haven't we been paid?" So I can see how your only employer not paying you is monumentally different than a drill check not coming through on time.
One more example. Today, still being on transitional benefits, I go to the post pharmacy to fill two new prescriptions, which is not as simple as going to your local grocer. I have to check in with the three Vogons, who enter prescription orders. Why it takes three when there is only one line and one computer, I don't know. I hand them my ID card, which is totally different from active duty dependents cards so before they smugly turn me away I say, "I'm on TAMP." Vogon 1 has no idea what it is so she says, "What!?" as if I just asked her to drop and give me ten. "Temporary coverage. My husband just came off orders."
"Oh. I'll have to look you up."
She grabs the card from my hand and, at which point I start having flashbacks to my local pharmacy (hm. Maybe civilian life isn't so different after all), she asks, "What are you getting filled?"
I stare at her for a minute to see if she's serious, and seeing that she is I ask, "You want me to divulge my personal medical information to you?"
She stares back at me.
Vogon 2 says, "We're not just people sitting here, we're pharmacy technicians."
Meanwhile, Vogon 3 is tsk, tsking Asher for sucking on the counter. He's just the right height to open his mouth and suck on the edge. I know. Gross. This time I agree with her and I tell him to stop. I acquiesce and hand Vogon 1 the prescriptions.
When I pick them up, one was entered wrong. She tried to kill me that Vogon witch! I wanted to go back and say something to her. If I hadn't asked how to take the pills, I would have read the label and taken about five more pills than I needed. Yeah. Not cool.
Anyway, I have a much clearer picture of how different we are then the active duty, despite a 15-month deployment. I guess it takes longer than that to really know the military life. But I have moved five times in the last 8 years…
Thursday, October 19, 2006
i luv u
send.
Is emailing life changing information to friends and family a recent phenomenon, or is it just my friends and family?
I’m not talking about tackiness as seen in the Radio Shack mass firing I’m talking about the sharing of emotional news here, people. Heart to hearts. Remember those? It’s when human contact with someone that does not require QWERTY makes your heart flutter, eyes well up, or the tummy go flip flop. Think hard, blogging has a way of sucking it out of all of us. I know because whenever I uncoil myself from the office chair and, when the circulation returns to my legs, am drawn to the light in the living room my husband says my eyes look a little glazed, and I try to remember who he is.
(Funny how staring into the glazed eyes of their female partner stirs men’s “emotions” below the waist more than clear eyes do. )
Anyway, I'm not passing judgment or anything, but I am saying: You’re lazy.
Ok, ok, I confess I have e-moted too. Let's just agree that the blogosphere is one big dumping ground of emotions so we've all done it. But to be specific, I'm sure that I emailed news about Terry's crappy experiences in Iraq because I didn't want to make 30 phone calls and it wasn't like he was severely physically injured. It was like, "Oh, hey, thought you should know he was in an IED, but he's fine."
Crap that sounds terrible, but I'm going to share something with you, my dear bloggers, that will demonstrate just how out of control e-moting is. Pick which piece of news I have learned about friends/family via electronic communication:
a) "He cheated on me"
b) "I have cancer"
c) "I'm getting married."
d) "I'm divorced"
e) "I'm eating lunch at Panera Bread"
f) Everything but E
I'll give you a minute to think about your answer.
YES! YES! All of those but E!!! I have learned life-changing news about people I dearly love VIA EMAIL!!! While I understand why, since I don't want to make a thousand phone calls either, I'm also vain enough to think everyone is thinking about me all the time and is like, "Oh my gosh, I HAVE to tell Monique this" (and, btw, if you have a blog you ARE that person too) and so I expect people to pick up that little device with buttons on it called numbers and CALL about anything having to do with babies, babies’ mommas, babies’ daddies, anything you found out through a blood test, a urine sample, or a private detective.
Now, one could make an argument for letter writing instead of emailing too, but then we are on a downward spiral towards a chisel and stone all in the name of love or nostalgia. In our familially (is that a word?) decentralized world the telephone is still the best way to say, "I love you and want to talk to you, but I'm broke so I can't actually be there to share this news in person."
Besides, don’t people want a reaction when sharing important news? If I were to call with the sound bites I listed earlier, this is the reaction I would want:
a) "What a bastard. I’ll have him killed.”
b) "Oh my gosh you must be scared. When can I come see you?"
c) “Congratulations! Are you having an open bar at the wedding?"
d) "He never deserved you and will never find anyone as good as you.”
e) "I'll meet you there at 12"
Call me with this news people. CAAAAAALLL! Or one day you’re going to get an email from me from the grave and then you won’t be able to yell at me about it.
Huh. Now that I think about it that could be a very lucrative business.
I’m not talking about tackiness as seen in the Radio Shack mass firing I’m talking about the sharing of emotional news here, people. Heart to hearts. Remember those? It’s when human contact with someone that does not require QWERTY makes your heart flutter, eyes well up, or the tummy go flip flop. Think hard, blogging has a way of sucking it out of all of us. I know because whenever I uncoil myself from the office chair and, when the circulation returns to my legs, am drawn to the light in the living room my husband says my eyes look a little glazed, and I try to remember who he is.
(Funny how staring into the glazed eyes of their female partner stirs men’s “emotions” below the waist more than clear eyes do. )
Anyway, I'm not passing judgment or anything, but I am saying: You’re lazy.
Ok, ok, I confess I have e-moted too. Let's just agree that the blogosphere is one big dumping ground of emotions so we've all done it. But to be specific, I'm sure that I emailed news about Terry's crappy experiences in Iraq because I didn't want to make 30 phone calls and it wasn't like he was severely physically injured. It was like, "Oh, hey, thought you should know he was in an IED, but he's fine."
Crap that sounds terrible, but I'm going to share something with you, my dear bloggers, that will demonstrate just how out of control e-moting is. Pick which piece of news I have learned about friends/family via electronic communication:
a) "He cheated on me"
b) "I have cancer"
c) "I'm getting married."
d) "I'm divorced"
e) "I'm eating lunch at Panera Bread"
f) Everything but E
I'll give you a minute to think about your answer.
YES! YES! All of those but E!!! I have learned life-changing news about people I dearly love VIA EMAIL!!! While I understand why, since I don't want to make a thousand phone calls either, I'm also vain enough to think everyone is thinking about me all the time and is like, "Oh my gosh, I HAVE to tell Monique this" (and, btw, if you have a blog you ARE that person too) and so I expect people to pick up that little device with buttons on it called numbers and CALL about anything having to do with babies, babies’ mommas, babies’ daddies, anything you found out through a blood test, a urine sample, or a private detective.
Now, one could make an argument for letter writing instead of emailing too, but then we are on a downward spiral towards a chisel and stone all in the name of love or nostalgia. In our familially (is that a word?) decentralized world the telephone is still the best way to say, "I love you and want to talk to you, but I'm broke so I can't actually be there to share this news in person."
Besides, don’t people want a reaction when sharing important news? If I were to call with the sound bites I listed earlier, this is the reaction I would want:
a) "What a bastard. I’ll have him killed.”
b) "Oh my gosh you must be scared. When can I come see you?"
c) “Congratulations! Are you having an open bar at the wedding?"
d) "He never deserved you and will never find anyone as good as you.”
e) "I'll meet you there at 12"
Call me with this news people. CAAAAAALLL! Or one day you’re going to get an email from me from the grave and then you won’t be able to yell at me about it.
Huh. Now that I think about it that could be a very lucrative business.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Happy Birthday to Me
The more I blog, the more narcissistic I become. Good lord...oh well, here's to my last year as a 20 something. I now have one year to write a book and run a marathon. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Maybe it's time to set goals for 35.
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