Not a soldier, not yet a civilian

We are a reserve family. I feel that now more than ever. At an FRG roundtable today, I felt almost like an intruder. All our soldiers are home, most are back to work. Of course I know that life is not normal for all of them. If our family's experience is anything like theirs, it is a daily battle to keep “Iraq” at bay in our minds and our hearts. Post traumatic stress is a very real thing. We say it so much sometimes I think it loses it's impact. I don't have to stretch my imagination very far to see how someone could be completely immobilized by it, nor do I wonder why servicemen and women who see horrifying things bury the thoughts so deep that they don't think they need help. It sucks. You feel "weak." Who wants to feel depressed and scared all the time? At least, that's what I've heard.

So, we are a reserve family. I got caught up in having a husband deployed and so claiming my rights as an active duty family, which was fair then, but daily life as a reservist not on active duty really doesn't deal with the military that much. Well, MY daily life doesn't, or didn't, time will tell how it is from now on. He still has responsibilities that are not limited to one weekend a month.

You know what really made me realize just how different my experience is? CBS’s show The Unit. On the last episode one woman rallied her FRG to help other women who didn't have money for food because the Army didn't pay their soldier. I was like, "What?!" (Oh, that and the FRG leader asking each woman who spoke, what her name and her husband's rank was. WTF? I have never seen that happen. Reserves. My husband may outrank someone in the Army who could be his boss in the civilian world!)

Now, the Army has definitely screwed up our pay (how 'bout those mysterious "debt" payments?) but we don't depend on it like active duty families do. It pretty much covers the car payment, insurance and some change. Incidentally, one of the many wonderful things we've experienced with him going back to his civilian job, including not getting a promotion and office squatters, is missing a paycheck. I was freaking out. I was like, "Honey, haven't you been working for three weeks? Why haven't we been paid?" So I can see how your only employer not paying you is monumentally different than a drill check not coming through on time.

One more example. Today, still being on transitional benefits, I go to the post pharmacy to fill two new prescriptions, which is not as simple as going to your local grocer. I have to check in with the three Vogons, who enter prescription orders. Why it takes three when there is only one line and one computer, I don't know. I hand them my ID card, which is totally different from active duty dependents cards so before they smugly turn me away I say, "I'm on TAMP." Vogon 1 has no idea what it is so she says, "What!?" as if I just asked her to drop and give me ten. "Temporary coverage. My husband just came off orders."
"Oh. I'll have to look you up."
She grabs the card from my hand and, at which point I start having flashbacks to my local pharmacy (hm. Maybe civilian life isn't so different after all), she asks, "What are you getting filled?"
I stare at her for a minute to see if she's serious, and seeing that she is I ask, "You want me to divulge my personal medical information to you?"
She stares back at me.
Vogon 2 says, "We're not just people sitting here, we're pharmacy technicians."
Meanwhile, Vogon 3 is tsk, tsking Asher for sucking on the counter. He's just the right height to open his mouth and suck on the edge. I know. Gross. This time I agree with her and I tell him to stop. I acquiesce and hand Vogon 1 the prescriptions.
When I pick them up, one was entered wrong. She tried to kill me that Vogon witch! I wanted to go back and say something to her. If I hadn't asked how to take the pills, I would have read the label and taken about five more pills than I needed. Yeah. Not cool.

Anyway, I have a much clearer picture of how different we are then the active duty, despite a 15-month deployment. I guess it takes longer than that to really know the military life. But I have moved five times in the last 8 years…