Friday, August 11, 2006

Reuniting Part III

Since that moment it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions. I’m so glad that I made the trek out there (though coming home I was EXHAUSTED). It was worth every penny. A MasterCard commercial is in there somewhere.

Now to the boys' reunion.

I returned home two days before he did, picked up the boys and decorated the house, the car and stocked the fridge. (Beer, meat and fresh vegetables.)
I didn’t think I would cry when he saw Gabe and Asher, I’d had my moment already. But as the passengers began to stroll off the plane and I hurried the boys into unrolling their banner and waving their flags, the butterflies reappeared.


His face lit up when he saw them. Asher was smiling from ear to ear and I was so glad that he recognized him, unlike leave when Asher took a few hours to warm up to him. Gabe watched Terry with a sense of awe. I think I'll let the pictures tell the rest of the story.



And I cried again.

I snapped photos and let them have their moment. It was beautiful.
****
It's the end of the deployment, but the beginning of a new life in a lot of ways. We have the adventure of working with the Veteran’s Administration, counseling, a civilian job to go back to, etc.

He is different. I am almost afraid of how he will react to being in a sterile office and a suit and tie after living in ACU’s in the desert for so long. He said he feels naked without his weapon. He has urges to run people off the road in our Durango, which he looks at with a bit of disgust for its gas guzzling characteristics and his resolve that the U.S. needs to get off oil. He’ll stare off into the distance and I wonder what he’s thinking about. I’ll catch him following me with his eyes. At first I asked, “What?” and he would just shake his head and say, “It’s just good to be with you again.” Now, I'll smile and go on with what I’m doing.

I am different. I’m a psychotic control freak about the house. God save him if he leaves the washcloth waded up in the bathroom or puts his shoes in the closet instead of by the coat rack. I stiffen when he tells me to do anything a certain way. “I’ve been alone for 15 months, I can handle it,” I’ll say. I don’t mean to be rude, but there is a mixture of anger that he left us for so long and pride that I can take care of a broken down car, a clogged garbage disposal or giant man-eating grasshoppers.
I call my neighbor. Kidding!

Seriously though, things are different. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has told me that it takes 6 months to a year to get things back to "normal,"whatever that means anymore. (People offer the same amount of unsolicited advice about reuniting from a deployment as they do to a first time mom. )
Thanks for reading my rants, raves and random thoughts about deployment life. I hope you’ll keep reading as I keep writing, 'cause I already have some good post-deployment stories to tell.

I could not finish these thoughts without saying there were others in forefront of my mind. Heidi, since I know you read my blog, I'll just say that you are one of them, and Holly, you too. I thought of you both. I will never forget that you did not get the homecoming you dreamed about and probably dream of still. Though we've only had the privelege of knowing them through your shared memories, our family will never forget Sean or Tom or the rest of our soldiers. And I hope anyone who happens to stumble on my little piece of the Internet will thank EVERY single person they ever cross paths with, who has volunteered to defend the U.S. As I've said before, it's not about Iraq. We don't get paid much for what we're asked to do, but we do it anyway. The least we can do for those taken from us is speak their names and share their lives with others.

23 comments:

Heidi said...

So we must be thinking about each other because I just spent the last hour writing about you, your homecoming, and my homecoming . . . isn't that weird. I haven't posted it yet but will after I go back and read it again . . . I am so glad things are 'normal' . . . it will all work itself out. Socks on the floor and shoes in the wrong place would drive me nuts but just give him time . . . then a little tough love, LOL! Enjoy the weekend! Any family trip planned?

MQ said...

Wow, that is weird! We decided to postpone a big family trip, which I'm sort of glad for now because of all this terrorism news. ::shudder:: I waver between wanting to secure my family in our home to ensure our safety, and wanting to pick up a gun and join the Army myself - I'm so pissed at these crazy people. But this is an entire post topic....

Anonymous said...

Jeepers, just when you think there can be nothing more to cry about... I'm so happy you are all home and doing well. You've been so strong and so has he, and I know you will both adjust.

Love you, Marie

MQ said...

Marie! so good to see you on the blog. Miss you so much...

Anonymous said...

Oh, and a big P.S...love love LOVE the shoes!!! :-)

Unknown said...

How beautiful, MQ. You've brought tears to my eyes--again. We are 6 months out from our reunion, and I realized as he goes off to AT this weekend, that it's one year exactly from R&R.

And you know what? I don't think deployment is something you ever really recover from....and hopefully, that's good. People always tell us that we are just "way too cute" and I think it's just that we don't take each other for granted. I hope that result never changes.

Muddle through all the details, but most of all, enjoy each other.

L

Rachel said...

Okay, I'm totally crying after reading that post. I can't tell you enough how happy I am for your family. The pics of your boys are PRECIOUS! Hang in there with "getting to know" each other again. It's hard to give up control after being so independent, isn't it!

MQ said...

roses - You're right. We are forever changed by a deployment. I don't think things will ever be the same, but I do hope the intensity will subside. there's a reason we all don't actually live like "today is our last" - it's too heavy. We have to find a balance between that and believing in the future. Good luck with your husband's tour.

Rachel - Ohhhh, I'm sorry to make you cry though! I am glad that you could celebrate with me :) Can't wait to see your R&R photos :)!!

dyzgoneby said...

MQ what a beautiful homecoming for your family. You had me in tears again.

Yes, we all change and the adjustments can be hard to endure. Sniper being home a few weeks, I am looking forward to getting back into something of a normal life again. Then again, round 3 might be lurking around the corner for him. Uugghhh!

Congrats again on having your hubby home.

Unknown said...

MQ--
Actually mine's home now--since Dec. And it's still good...that's what I meant. Not that there haven't been bumps in the road, but we are even stronger as a result of the deployment. So yes, deployment changes you, and it's something you live with rather than "get over", but it can be good, too.

Anyway, enjoy being together again! (I love getting another "first" kiss. :)

Nicole said...

I love the pictures...especially the one of your younger son so proudly holding his little flag. Won't it be great to bring those back out at graduations and weddings? Good memories. :)

Cristina said...

I can't imagine how much you went through with your husband gone so long. And I certainly can't imagine what he's been through serving in the war. You are both incredibly strong to have endured all of this.

Those photos of your boys waiting for their dad are so precious. Your littlest reminds me of my son with that curly hair.

Nikki said...

God bless you and your husband and your whole family. I'm so happy for all of you.

It was so hard for me when hubby got deployed to Albania and came home again and he wasn't facing a fraction of the danger.

The getting to know each other again was very hard. I didn't like that I now had to do things differently when I was so used to doing everything on my own. It took a long time, but we made it work, and I know you will too.

Anonymous said...

Did you actually say out loud to him that you've been alone 15 months etc etc? I've only met your husband the one time, but he strikes me as smarter than your average bear. I think he just might remember that you were left alone. Let it go. Let him be the husband. Then again, what do I know? I just got divorced :)

P.S. What's the deal with the picture of the shoe? I don't get it.

WPJ

Anonymous said...

dear MQ, Thank you. I can not say much, but I am so happy ou had your joyful homecoming. Mine being so very different. I fulfilled a promise and met my husband's plane home too. Mine with tears of sorrow, yours with tears of joy.

I just wish we had your memories and photos to share. Thank you for sharing yours. They mean so much...I love the photos with the boys.

Muriel said...

Wow! What an amazing post. I had just read Heidi's and decided to stop by yours too. You describe so well all of the emotions of that kind of homecoming. As far as him and you being different that comes with the territory. 18 months after my hubby got back I am still finding out stuff....it keeps things interesting. Ha! Take care.
PS those shoes ARE sexy!

MQ said...

dyz - I don't know how you ladies prepare for multiple deployments. I think he'll have to go again since he still has 8 years until retirement and the way the world is today... but we're going to do our best to ensure it's as a JAG officer instead of the role he was in previously...a difficult tour (aren't they all?)

roses - well I'm glad to hear he is home! Others have told me you are usually stronger in the end...I hope so!

nicole - Asher is my little poser...I have already selected the cutest (and most embarrasing) photos to share with his girlfriends hehehe. I'm going to be a terrible mother in law...

mommy... - strength is a funny thing...you don't know it until you have to use it and even then, I don't think I was all that strong because I knew how many breakdowns me and my boys had throughout the 15 months...and I know women who I think are WAY stronger than I am :)

nikki - getting to know each other hasn't been as weird..I think he has changed much more than I have because of his experiences...but it's the running of the household that is more frustrating at times :)!! I'm like, "Ummm, yeah...we don't do it that way.." But I try not to make a big deal out of most of it. And you know, it's actually the habits that I forgot about and have now returned with him that drive me crazy the most. He will put anything ANYWHERE and I'm a place for everything kind of person...

WPJ - What's the deal with the shoes, you ask? Ummm, they rock?!

holly - how sad is it that I am minutes from you and we're talking through my blog?:) I too wish that you had all those memories, for you AND Ty. Thank you for always sharing in my joy with Terry. I know each day you miss Tom so much...We love you both and hope you will never be too far from us to visit...

muriel - oh no! 18 months...??LOL. Well, I'll be glad for everyday we get as a family. You know I tried to be detailed with these reunion entries for myself too! I don't ever want to forget the happiness of that day.

Christina_the_wench said...

You enjoy that hubby being home and the rest will fall in line. *huge hug*

julie anna said...

I'm so, so happy for you that your husband is home now. You did such an awesome job taking us right there to the homecoming. Your little boys are precious, your hubby is hot, and the shoes are GORGEOUS.

I'll definately keep reading. The future will be just fine for you all. Life is about changes and you will adjust.

Anonymous said...

Nice dodge MQ. And yes, I suppose those shoes do rock.

heather said...

mq,
I have a photo for you. Do you mind if I post it on my blog? Email me and I can send it to you as well.

Household6 said...

Hmmm want some advice? Ha ha ha no I am just kidding. Enjoy your time together and you will get back to normal - I promise.

MSU gal said...

Congratulations on your reunion. Tell your husband THANK YOU for defending our country in the war on terror and THANK YOU too for letting America borrow him for so long!