Tuesday, September 16, 2008


Asher (4)- Gabe, are you allergic to girls?

Gabe (10) - No.

Asher - But when you kiss them you can get sick.

Gabe - [Confused] I know. [Eager] But I’ve never kissed a girl.

Asher -Yes you have. You kissed mommy.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

I'm back. Sorta

I've been away from blogger so long that I typed my address in wrong and got a page not found message. My heart stopped. Everything about the deployment, gone forever. Then I realized I forgot a 'w'. Whew. Crisis averted.

Why have I dropped off the face of the earth? Life, lack of inspiration and motherhood. No, I am not one of the legions of women who are knocked up these days and are now dropping from the outside world to blog about their babies. Seriously, it's an epidemic. I've never seen so much about a child documented for posterity.

Although sometimes I wouldn't mind another little one of us to coo at once in a while. Having a 10 and 4 year old makes you rethink the baby stages. I used to think it miserable to be on a leash the length of your boob. Now I say, at least there are books for that. What to expect when you're expecting? Pregnancy and the first six weeks of life are explained in perfect order. All nine months typed into neat little lists of will happen. Month one. Congratulations! You are pregnant with a seahorse. Take folic acid and try not to throw up, get hemmoroids, or pimples. If those things don't happen to you, lie. No one likes a freak.

How about a book for raising 10 year old boys? It could be called: "You're too late. They already know." Inside would be facial expressions you will encounter when you broach subjects of sex, girls and puberty. Pick one and practice your reaction in the mirror. Let Nothing Shock You. You are understanding and patient. You are not afraid to say penis and vagina or hear it from your child, who was once a really cute baby who didn't even have a cone head when he was born. There are no books for the preschooler who sings, "bow chica wow wow" with a perfect electric guitar wawa sound.

I've been away because suddenly the mommy job, as you can tell is more important and complicated than ever, and I expect it to become more so as they get older and we navigate dating and explaining to Asher why a seven year old cannot go on a date with his brother and his girlfriend.

Gabe is in 5th grade. Asher is in preschool and will go to kindergarten next year. I'm freelancing from home, which has its obvious delights like not having to actually produce anything, since you ARE your own boss, but sometimes it does get a little lonely. I keep wondering what I'll do when both the boys are in school full time. I really can't even imagine having 6 uninterrupted hours a day. Of course the plan is to pull a Pelosi/Palin and be the next soccer mom to rule the world. Will we be over soccer moms by then? Will Oprah spawn children with Ricky Martin's sperm and ruin the achievements of super moms everywhere? Actually, I think it will be even more lonely knowing that my children are growing up and they will never be home with me again. They will always have their own "job" at school now. Makes you wish for baby days again. But with slightly bigger boobs.

So, here are my munchkins. I love them so much. They are really funny when you get them liquored up. Just kidding. It actually only creates more work for me because they just trash the place and then I have to clean it up.

Now, please take a real picture for mommy?

Aaaand we're back to posing...