Luke, I am your Father

or in today's terms and my gender: Gabe, who's your mommy? See the results of a whole lotta time of me hunched over a sewing machine.


Yoda

Anakin and Princess Jasmine

Princess Mom and Anakin

Happy Yoda

Run Forrest, Run

I haven't run in three months. I ran three times this week. I am becoming my own cause.

I'm approaching the idea of running another half marathon. The marathon died when Terry was deployed. I just couldn't muster up the motivation to train as a single parent. But I'm thinking I already ran a half so it's not like this big foreign thing. (I did it in pretty good time too way back then, ummm, about three years ago.) So we'll see, but if I suddenly crap out, it's up to you, my faithful friends to remind me of these reasons to keep training:

Reason #1 I'm not getting any younger.
Reason #2 I could barely get up last night after doing that thing where your sitting on your knees and lay back, with your legs still tucked under you ( a moment of exasperation with Asher who was flooding the bathroom with his swimming techniques). Yeah. I thought I injured myself.
Reason #3 Endorphins to prevent depression.
Reason #4 Not to become a fat slob while Terry is gone.
Reason #5 Make exercising a habit, not a quick weight loss fix
Reason #6 More energy to keep up with my kids
Reason #7 I'm convinced it helps my skin glow
Reason #8 Tone up the legs
Reason #9 Less likely to eat junk that makes me sluggish
Reason #10 Set an example for my kids
Reason #11 Make it the half way point to training for the FULL marathon, which I am determined to do.

So there you have it folks. Right now, I can barely run more than a mile. Ugh. This is down from the four miles I was doing regularly just a few months ago....sigh. Ok shake it off, get over it.

The force is strong with you, young padawan learner

Sorry I can't help myself. I live with a Star Wars obsessed seven-year-old and an almost 30 year-old-fan as well.

I don't have pictures yet, but I have completed - YES COMPLETED - Gabe's costume. He is a walking, talking, skywalking Jedi. He loves it so much he wants to sleep in it. And the funny thing is I was getting all stressed about it because I actually couldn't sew it exactly the way I had envisioned it, but I thought, "Eh, what the hell..." and brought it up to show him. That huge toothless (minus two teet right now) smile spread across his face and I knew I worried for nothing. "It's awesome," he cried out and practially leaped across the room (the force).

He's so loving it, and I am SO the rockin mom!!!

On to Yoda....

Will the force be with me?

Gabriel whipped, beat and corralled me into sewing an Anakin Skywalker costume for Halloween. Oh, and he demanded a Yoda costume for Asher. So, t-minus 4 days...and counting...I need to produce not one, but TWO costumes. Don't worry I've started.

Today, I bought the sewing machine.

Anyone wanna take bets on the final product?

May the force be with me, and may Gabe have mercy on my soul...

It's all in a word

accismus (ak-SIZ-muhs) noun
Feigning disinterest in something while actually desiring it.

I get an email everyday from an online wordsmith. I rarely ever use or even remember these words but this one caught my attention. I'm afraid I've suffered from accismus many times in my life. Pretending I don't want ice cream, I love running, or pretending I love being a mom all the time :) When have you displayed accismus?

My other favorite words:
esprit d'escalier (e-SPREE des-kal-i-YE) noun, also esprit de l'escalier
Thinking of a witty remark too late; hindsight wit or afterwit. Also such a remark.
flagrante delicto (fluh-GRAN-tee di-LIK-to) adverb
In the very act of committing the offense; red-handed.

My portion

7Two things I ask of you, O LORD;

do not refuse me before I die:
8 Keep falsehood and lies far from me;

give me neither poverty nor riches,

but give me only my daily bread.

9 Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you

and say, 'Who is the LORD ?'

Or I may become poor and steal,

and so dishonor the name of my God.

Proverbs 30:7-9

I needed this verse last night. Without divulging sensitive information, Terry's had a rough 48 hours. I feel like death is all around him and all we can do is ask for enough strength to get through the day. Wake up, breathe in, breathe out, force a step, force some food down our throats, do our jobs and hope for thoughtless sleep. I, of course only can imagine what his thoughts are right now, the anger and frustration he feels at seeing people die, whether he knows them or not. And I feel quite helpless. Some have said he shouldn't call me, but I want him to. He calls me because besides being his wife, I am his friend. Anyway, today we just need our portion, get him through the days ahead and bring him home safely!!!

Birthdays

Yesterday was my birthday. I will not say how old I was but I'm still under 30 so I'm not too depressed yet. I realized that I've rarely had a big celebration and I plan to have a big bash for my 30th, whenever that year is...;)

I didn't do anything special except shop, watch a movie and have dinner with a couple of friends, which I guess is pretty special for me! I had an entire day off from being a mom/housecleaner/nosewiper/homework helper/cook. That was pretty awesome! I had to fight depression though because I've been consumed by fears of avian bird flu and the war in Iraq. Terry's been safe, but I don't know, I just have been worried lately. I guess I just really miss him. I'm mostly worried about tha bird flu thing - that really FREAKS me out. And my pediatrician (Asher had to go in for an ear infection and a flu shot with Gabe. Two separate visits) said that they're freaked out too. Great. I feel so much better.

I'm beginning to wonder if I need professional help with all this worrying and inability to relax even on my birthday. I can't seem to figure out what the hell I want. I was indecisive about what I wanted to do with a day of freedom and like I said, ended up at the mall with my friend. I suppose that was ok, but jeez, I had such little imagination that I couldn't go anywhere except the mall????? Ugh. I hope this is all due to the deployment and not just the crazy person I'm becoming as a stay at home mom.

Why organize?

I thought I should explain the photos. Asher's been sick so I don't have much else to do, since I wrapped up a project for a client (hehehe. Love saying that) last week. I have a very good friend and her mom coming in this weekend, don't know when exactly since she hasn't sent me her flight schedule grrrr. For someone on a perpetual schedule that's tough for me. Anyhoo...I'm cleaning and stuff to get ready and pretend like my house always looks like this. So that's why I'm organizing...

Of course, I should be writing a book review for a magazine that I promised I would write for. Or, let me go back even further. I should READ the book! Why am I putting it off? No deadline. One of the seven deadly sins of editors. Don't give your writer a deadline!!!!! In all honesty. I've been trying to finish other books that I must give back. I will read Tulia! I swear!

Me and Terry

How cute are we? sigh. Missing him today...I love you CPT!!!!

Halloween cards from Grams (That's Great Grandma!) How sweet are those kiddies?! They're mine and they're yummy :)

Before and After

I'm organized this pile of toys. Got rid of about half of them. Look how Asher is eyeing them like he's never seen them before. They sit untouched everyday!!!!

Before

After - Not much changed but still...better. Any advice on what to do with a THOUSAND xbox controllers???



Before and After

(Looked better before!)



Before and After



Before and After

After


Random cords. Have no idea what some of these go to, but if I toss, the husband will surely sense it from Iraq and need one of them, urgently.

Sick babies get to lounge a lot. Watchin' Elmo

I'm sick. Don't bother me.

Flowers from a friend

Maybe it's me...

I emailed this to a friend today and I thought I should vent here to:

HOW DO I ALWAYS FIND MYSELF IN THESE POSITIONS?????:

One of the neighborhood kids came to my door to let me know that another child, Ben had thrown a rather large piece of wood at Gabe and hit him in the face. Gabe was fine, but although I usually simply tell Gabe to work things out on his own, since this was a physical thing I decided I needed to go talk to the mom (whom I seem to always get in fights with over little things like, music and domestic abuse....) Anyhoo...I take this stick, taller than me, up to her house and I say, "Is this yours?"

"No"

"Well, Benjamin was hitting Gabe with it. I think he got it from this pile of rubble by our house. I thought you would want to know."

"Well, Ben said that Gabe was hitting him." (natch)

"Well, I don't know about that, but I do know that all these kids" (I point to the three or four who had followed me up there) "saw him do it."

"Ok. BEN!"

So that discussion ends and I walk back to my house. On the way I talk to a couple of neighbors one of whom is a Marine. While we're talking when this girls HUSBAND interrupts my conversation and says, "What do you need?"

"Excuse me?" I say

"You came to my house, what did you need?"

"I told your wife that Ben was hitting Gabe with this rather large stick"


"Boys are going to be boys Monique."


(I'm mad.)

I say, "Well, that may be true but when your son is hitting my son with this, you're gonna hear about it."

"Gabe does the same thing up here."

"And you're welcome to come and tell me about it."

"I'm just saying that boys are going to do these things."


"It sounds like your making an excuse for him," I say.

"I'm not making an excuse for him. I just came down to thank you (he says this with as much sarcasm as his one cell brain can muster) for informing me but boys are going to be boys" (again.)

Then it's just going back and forth until he tells me to CALM DOWN, gets the Marine involved, (who walks away in the middle of the conversation) and then he walks away from me.

You know what that was? That was pure intimidation. What a F****** asshole, right? He knows Terry is gone. He didn't come to "thank me" and when Terry gets back, that guy is going to get a visit. Bastard.

End email.

Seriously though, after this, several other scuffles with the same people and the blow up on the guy in the parking lot, I'm beginning to wonder if it's me with the problem. Or could it be that I'm dealing with really incompetent, immature people? And then what? I stoop to there level and spoon feed them the conversation? Or I use my wit, sarcasm and manipulation to embarras them and drive the point home that I really AM a b**** so don't mess with me? If I do that, then I run the risk of a battle of wits with a person armed with nothing but an actual gun. (He was getting a little mad and stepping towards me during that conversation as well. But I DID have the six foot long piece of wood in my hand and I wasn't afraid to use it :)

It's always a fine line to walk, whether or not to "tell" a parent what their bratty little kid is doing, and normally I don't say anything. I tell Gabe to handle it, but when they're doing things like this, physically hurting each other, I feel compelled to say something. Not to mention this confrontation is coming from the father, whose wife calls me to complain when I don't invite her kid to the playground. She continually tells me how pissed off she gets when people are "messing with her kids." Apparently her husband chalks it all up to gender. "Oh, he beat your kid with a piece of wood? Boys will be boys..." I suppose he is living in the place where a penis and a good church can excuse you from anything. Ok that was little low.

And they're the kind of parents who think their child never does anything wrong, who will always doubt YOU and YOUR kid without even considering that their kid could be just oh, I don't know, a friggin' brat? I've had people tell me about acts my son has committed and I talk to him, if it's true he is disciplined, but I never fight with the other parent or make excuses (at least not in front of them) Incidentally Gabriel is freakishly honest about his crimes. He's confessed to things I would have never found out about, although Terry has him convinced that we see everything...

Ok I have to put my flawless, angelic children to bed. I'm going to hit the hay early so I can dream about pummelling this guy for being the biggest loser, confronting a single woman with a child in her arms KNOWING her husband is not there to fight her battles as he does for his wife. Bastard.

Seeing daddy

We saw Terry for the first time in 4 months yesterday. I was just getting ready to pack and ship about a ton of food he requested when the phone rang. When I answered and he said he finally hooked up the webcam and was ready to chat, I literally threw the boxes, tape, labels and food in the back of the Durango. I ran inside and IMd him. I clicked start a video conference and the butterfly waiting to connect us seemed to flap it's wings for an hour. I was live and could hear him but I couldn't see him. He could see, but not hear me. ARG! Finally he logged out and came back online and there he was. He looked exactly the same. What a relief that was. And how unfortunate that the boys were both gone! Asher was at daycare and Gabe was at school. Luckily I have a fast car and I went to pick each of them up so they could see Terry.
"Where's Asher? Where's Asher?," Terry continued to ask. When I held Asher up to the camera, nice and close so Terry could see his curls and chubby cheeks, Terry's voice cracked and I really thought he was going to cry, in front of his military colleagues and all. He held it together for our conversation but, as he called to tell me later, that night he didn't sleep very much. Visions of his little boys were dancing in his head I think.

Gabriel wasn't as excited to talk to Terry as I thought he would be. On the ride back to the house where Terry was waiting to web chat, I said excitedly, "Gabey, we're gonna see daddy on the computer!!" He didn't even respond. A couple of silent minutes later,while I wondered what I had done to make this child so blase about seeing his father, Gabe surprised me with, "People can die really easy you know." He wasn't asking he was telling himself. I said, "What do you mean Gabey?"
"Well, I mean, anything can kill people right?"
" I guess too much of anything could kill you, but why do you ask?"
"I don't know."
Another few minutes of silence.
"Gabe."
"Yeah mommy."
"Are you worried about daddy dying?"
"Yes."
"Gabey. Daddy is ok. He is very smart and strong and safe. You'll see when we get home. Daddy looks good. You don't have to worry about your dad."
"ok."

These are the conversations that reduce me to tears. I forget that he's only SEVEN. And he's smart and listens to things that I don't realize he is listening to. He doesn't come to me, like I do to a friend, and say, "I can't stop thinking about what I would do if I lost my husband." He tells himself, "People die. It's easy for people to die. My daddy might die." And I only know this when he puts it in these odd statements. So, my friend, who is a child therapist, says that I'm doing the right thing. Assuring him that daddy is safe and is well trained. He looks the same, he looks just like he did when he left (so far).

When Gabey got online with Terry, he was at first really hyper, silly, bouncing around, like a first date who talks fast because of nerves. I had to go take a phone call so Gabe and Terry talked alone for about 15 mintues. When I went downstairs Gabe had his feet propped up on my desk and was calmly talking to Terry about school and video games. I was so happy to see that in just minutes they had returned to their pre-deployment relationship.

Achilles heel in the face

Fox Fact: 18 percent of men said they didn't hire a woman because she was too attractive. THAT's why I haven't found a job yet. What a relief! For a while there I thought my interviewers were actually looking at my resume and all my education wasn't worth a dime. Well, I'll just dress down for my next interview.

So, who wants to join me in the fight for all beautiful women everywhere who lost a job because some guy has no self control? I can see it now, Norma Rae meets America's Next Top Model. The lead role can be played by Halle Berry or Charlize Theron since they are familiar with the struggles of drop-dead-gorgeous looks and the freedom that ugliness brings, not to mention Oscars. (In Charlize's case, I really think her makeup and hair artists should have won an Academy Award too.)

Obviously this poll excluded Hooters, plastic surgeons' offices, everyone in Hollywood and half of NYC.

But seriously, what's up with men who can't you know...keep it together? Is there an actual lesson in this poll besides the fact that pollsters have run out of questions? It is sort of related to the idea that women should walk around draped in lose clothing that hangs to the wrists and ankles (or in extreme cases - burqas) so men won't be tempted. Why is it our responsibility to keep the world's eyes averted?

This weekend I am attending a picnic that I and a few soldiers/wives arranged for our unit. I'm actually really looking forward to it since we have not gathered together since our guys deployed and some of them haven't even met I don't think. We are pretty proud of the expected turnout too. A friend of a friend is giving us discounts on the Subway party subs we ordered (Thank you Bob!) and throwing in some free cookies for the kiddos. What a cool guy! Anyway, it's a gorgeous day and we had an easy trip up here. It's about 2.5 hours from where I live. I'm spending some time with a good friend of mine in Harrisburg tonight. We're going to see a movie and are excited to get out of the house and away from our kids for a little while.

In other un-related news I must discuss Kate Moss. Now, we all know how I keep up with the celeb world and the fantasy that comes with it. I read a great article in Slate Magazine about how H&M and some of her other sponsors pulled the plug on her contract because of the cocaine incident (in case you didn't know, Ms. Moss was photographed snorting a bunch of lines, the results which unded up on the front page of a newspaper. How, after all her years of waif modeling did she miss the class on discretion? gasp!) Anyhoo...H&M only gave Moss a verbal slap on the wrist when the story broke but after thousands of people complained they pulled her contract all together. Now, I think it's just sad that it took everday people like you and me to tell a company, "We really don't like our children looking at cocaine addicts to sell them clothes. Sends the wrong message don't you think?" On the other hand, we all knew the only way a supermodel stays super after 30 and kids is cocaine. Duh!