Seeing daddy

We saw Terry for the first time in 4 months yesterday. I was just getting ready to pack and ship about a ton of food he requested when the phone rang. When I answered and he said he finally hooked up the webcam and was ready to chat, I literally threw the boxes, tape, labels and food in the back of the Durango. I ran inside and IMd him. I clicked start a video conference and the butterfly waiting to connect us seemed to flap it's wings for an hour. I was live and could hear him but I couldn't see him. He could see, but not hear me. ARG! Finally he logged out and came back online and there he was. He looked exactly the same. What a relief that was. And how unfortunate that the boys were both gone! Asher was at daycare and Gabe was at school. Luckily I have a fast car and I went to pick each of them up so they could see Terry.
"Where's Asher? Where's Asher?," Terry continued to ask. When I held Asher up to the camera, nice and close so Terry could see his curls and chubby cheeks, Terry's voice cracked and I really thought he was going to cry, in front of his military colleagues and all. He held it together for our conversation but, as he called to tell me later, that night he didn't sleep very much. Visions of his little boys were dancing in his head I think.

Gabriel wasn't as excited to talk to Terry as I thought he would be. On the ride back to the house where Terry was waiting to web chat, I said excitedly, "Gabey, we're gonna see daddy on the computer!!" He didn't even respond. A couple of silent minutes later,while I wondered what I had done to make this child so blase about seeing his father, Gabe surprised me with, "People can die really easy you know." He wasn't asking he was telling himself. I said, "What do you mean Gabey?"
"Well, I mean, anything can kill people right?"
" I guess too much of anything could kill you, but why do you ask?"
"I don't know."
Another few minutes of silence.
"Gabe."
"Yeah mommy."
"Are you worried about daddy dying?"
"Yes."
"Gabey. Daddy is ok. He is very smart and strong and safe. You'll see when we get home. Daddy looks good. You don't have to worry about your dad."
"ok."

These are the conversations that reduce me to tears. I forget that he's only SEVEN. And he's smart and listens to things that I don't realize he is listening to. He doesn't come to me, like I do to a friend, and say, "I can't stop thinking about what I would do if I lost my husband." He tells himself, "People die. It's easy for people to die. My daddy might die." And I only know this when he puts it in these odd statements. So, my friend, who is a child therapist, says that I'm doing the right thing. Assuring him that daddy is safe and is well trained. He looks the same, he looks just like he did when he left (so far).

When Gabey got online with Terry, he was at first really hyper, silly, bouncing around, like a first date who talks fast because of nerves. I had to go take a phone call so Gabe and Terry talked alone for about 15 mintues. When I went downstairs Gabe had his feet propped up on my desk and was calmly talking to Terry about school and video games. I was so happy to see that in just minutes they had returned to their pre-deployment relationship.