Mind diving

My funny friend cursed me for the next hour. I've been in such deep thought about my life all day, her entry made it even worse, but in a good way. Sometimes, I'll call her Luanne, (in honor of my sisters), speaks unkindly to me as does my friend's Regina. She says, you're not pretty, you're fake, you have no original thoughts, you'll probably die early. Yes, Luanne can be very cruel and I just hope and pray to God I'm not breeding a little existential crisis in my own children. When I yell because I've had to ask ten times to hang up the Jedi cloak. When I yell because a baby is screaming because he doesn't know how to say, "This device is pinching me mommy, please remove it from my tender body." When I frown at my son's choice of clothes - and he sees it. When I comb his hair THAT way, instead of THIS way, the way his little mind wants it to be. When I just can't leave well enough alone so my baby butterflies can bloom. ARGGH! Who creates the bully in our brains? A lot of people. (Can we just blame the media? That's the easy way out.) I know it ain't God, but wow, how scary is it that all the voices around us are more powerful than The Almighty's?

So I've created, Olivia (another sister homage). She says, you are smart, you earned your master's degree. You are pretty, because you have a good spirit. You have at least two original thoughts; Gabriel and Asher, and no one could have done that better. And as for my life? Well another dear friend reminds me to live in the moment. Not in a bungee jumping, getting high, sky diving, Colin Farrell kind of way, but enjoying wherever you find yourself. Today, it's gorgeous outside. I just read a letter from my dear husband that made me cry - good tears. My boys love me and think I'm the only girl in the world. And my pink roses ARE blooming again, even though Luanne said they wouldn't. Humph.