Anyone read SpouseBuzz? A post began, "If I wasn't milspouse..." and you finished the sentence. This was a really interesting thread because among the canned, "I'm proud to be a milspouse" comments (including my own) there were a lot of hurting wives and husbands out there. Spouses cheating on TDYs and deplyoments. Spouses feeling backstabbed by their friends. Failing FRGs. No one to call.
I can only relate to those last two gripes, I think in part because our marriage had been through the ringer long before the deployment, but we held it together, so we were stronger, but also as a Reservist, he doesn't go away as often. However, it worries me that so many spouses feel so angry and hopeless when so much is expected of our military.
We were interviewed by the Pentagon Channel several weeks ago (sorry no link) and my husband said that if families aren't happy, soldiers aren't happy and they'll start leaving. I guess that wasn't exactly prophetic since retention is low right now, particularly among captains. An article I read earlier this year talked about West Point's class of 2000. One third left after their five year obligation. And Captains from any commissioning source are leaving in droves.
Terry thought about it. In fact after he was in that IED he was like, "I'm done." That one moment of thinking he could die out there sealed the deal for him, but after the dust settled we couldn't give up 13 years of service just like that. Anyway, I digress.
I may have been naive when I went into this deployment, and post-deployment experience, but now I think that the military is failing families in a lot of ways, don't even get started on how widow(er)s are treated. True, spouses have to be proactive too, but when they're frantically looking for help and there is none, who is responsible? Terry's getting a lot of attention from local hospitals because he had a brain injury and I thought, does everyone get this kind of help? He practically laughed, "of course not!" If you're NOT proactive about getting help, you pretty much don't. But I guess that's true for anything in life. I think it's also partly because of our location, partly because we absolutely refuse to be stuck with any medical bills later on down the road, which were a result of his tour, and I think partly because he represents the military well, and isn't afraid to say if he thinks the military isn't doing it's job right, i.e. tell the world that we're not being taken care of. But what about the specialist who goes back to college after watching friends be blown to pieces in Iraq and now silently battles PTSD, but doesn't want to appear weak, or admit he needs help? Or what if he is married? Who is taking care of his wife? Whose job is it to reach out and not let them fall through the cracks?
This may be old news, but it really worries me; especially now that Bush is talking about upping troop levels. Of course I'm worried that they'll scratch out the every 4-5 year rotation clause for Reservists and call us up in the next year or so, but mostly I'm worried about my active duty friends who have lived without their spouses for so long. One who is on the verge of losing her marriage altogether.
Read some of these comments and tell me what you think
http://www.spousebuzz.com/blog/2006/12/if_i_wasnt_a_mi.html
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2 comments:
Of their general complaints, they honestly could happen in either lifestyle - lack of friends, lack of a good job, lack of good health insurance. As for the abusive relationships, I wonder when they served because I know personally that my spouse didn't allow anyone to abuse someone while they fell under his command (even if the abuse was from a woman).
Their complaints are valid for them. But I can also see where some people expected things to be done for them, instead of doing for themself.
My biggest concern really is PTSD for both resrvists and AD. There is still a LARGE stigma, that its not okay to seek treatment unless you get out of AD. My husband said there is stuff in the works to change this because right now under most circumstances seeing a shrink means that your TS or secret clearance will be revoked. I'm glad they are working to change that, but I don't think they are moving fast enough.
I also don't think they are doing enough, fast enough, to help AD soldiers with PTSD remain AD if they want to. And don't get me started on the paperwork and run around that really does occur to the NG and reservists that attempt to seek treatment for PTSD through the VA. (I know of two women through a milspouse board who have talked about the trials of getting things done and its really a nightmare.)
The Army and other services are working to fix this problem, but for me they just aren't working fast enough.
It's been a while, just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas!
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