Middle of the class

So my high school reunion is coming up, and I'm going to be really honest and say that up until about 5 hours ago I was really excited to go. You know how we all (or maybe just me) daydream about an event we're looking forward to, what we'll wear, how our hair will look, who we'll talk to, etc. etc. Well, I was doing that for the reunion. But I went to check out the site that's tracking us down better than the U.S. on Bin "done gone with the wind" Laden, saw everyone's name who has sacrificed their first child to pay the fee, and I felt very very small. I realized, these people don't know me. I barely know the person I was ten years ago! I wasn't a wallflower but I wasn't the North Star either and that's like the worst position to be in, it's like the words indifferent or apathy. I even earned STRAIGHT C's one semester. I mean how average can you GET? (looking back I would say that was my cry for help to my parents to please give a crap about me. It worked. They told me to get my grades up or they would pull me out of school. Thanks guys. Threaten me with homeschool Siberia. Way to show you care.)

Nothing.

I did nothing in high school (besides make some VERY good friends and that is intangible). But really I did nothing to better myself or the world. It was like I just stood in the middle of the party smiling like an eager child, "They like me, they're including me" [creepy, electronic monkey banging cymbals together] ugh. I guess the truth is today I feel like the girl I wish I would have been there. Knowing myself better and what I want out of life, being a little less afraid, but not reckless, taking risks for goodness sake! (And knowing how to dress and do my hair wouldn't have hurt either.) So now I think about going to the reunion as going back to anonymity, apathy, nothingness. I don't think a single teacher would remember me. Can you believe that??? NOT ONE. I can only think of two names that I even remember. It's just too sad. So I'm trying to put on a happy face, hopefully see some people who I want to catch up with (and there are a couple) and maybe I'll be surprised...