Crash

The low after a sugar high. The morning after a drunken binge. Facing a credit card balance after a shopping spree. Crash. That's how I feel.

My sisters whom I love 100x more after this trip, left yesterday. Today was the loneliest day since Terry left. Perhaps more, because I know what to expect. I met my sisters again for the first time. Johanna is only 13, but we finally connected as sisters. And that's been difficult considering I have a different father and was pushed out of the nest when she was three years old. Jamine is just all over the map. Trying to stay in touch with her is like tracking down fleas in a snow storm. But we all just bonded and I hope it sticks. We ate good food, laughed a lot, danced around the living room, fought (hello we ARE sisters) and made up with dinners and movies. We talked about our greatest fears and what we will do to dispel them. It was cool.

And now I'm alone again.

I'm up late, drinking wine, eating cheesecake and licking my wounds. I don't know if I can stay here. The people here are weird. My neighbors are reclusive freaks, tempermental blondes, and chain smokers. Ok there are some normal people, but you know there's nothing like a friend who knows you as well as yourself.

I am having lunch with another soldier's wife. Her husband isn't in Terry's deployment group, but they met at a pre-training thing (there are a thousand steps to everything in the Army). She seems sweet and I look forward to meeting her in person. When we planned the "date" I choose a day that Asher is in day care (yes! finally found hourly care so I can have a break) and whenever I do that the response on the other line is, "Oh I don't mind if the kids come." To which I want to reply, "I do." But not knowing most of these people, that would make me sound like a very mean mom. So anyway, we're having lunch at the area's hotspot, Panera Bread. Good grief there is no other place to have lunch apparently. It's yummy but very trendy I think. That and you have to pass by a bunch of oogling construction workers, which you think wouldn't be a problem what with my unkept hair and baby in the stroller. Nevertheless, my pursuit of friendship continues.

Sometimes I can see the ticker tape in the brain of the person facing me, "She is talking so much, when can I interrupt without sounding too obviously freaked out?" Then I abruptly stop and they try to cover their relief with a smile and nod of interest. I know this because I do it too. Today was sort of one of those days. A person and I were talking about the various kids in the neighborhood, who was good, who was headed straight for jail, you know the usual banter, and this came out of her mouth: "Now those black kids across the street are nice." Now, what is wrong with that statement? It was a compliment afterall right? Why aren't they just the kids across the street? They are the ONLY kids across the street and none of the other kids were labeled. The white kids, the mixed kids, the poor kids, the BLACK kids. Anyway, irked me.

Finally, one last gripe about stereotypes and sexism. I wore a very cute, white halter top one day (it's like a thousand degrees out here, the devil is thinking about relocating) and took Gabe to his tball game thinking nothing of it. Once again, the male sex reminded me that there is no such thing as evolution. They remain the bumbling, groping, testosterone pumping animal who must take every opportunity to look at a woman's breasts. (I think it's like their gas or something) A man who I actually know, slid up next to me during our conversation, so damn close I thought he was going to whisper something about another team mate. If only. After he spoke in a very audible voice I realized what was happening. He was making a not so subtle pass at my chest! HELLO! I stepped away after my brain caught up with my instincts.

p.s. Crash is a movie you should see. Race in L.A. like you've never seen. The best movie I've seen this year. Also, Batman Begins is awesome and scary and after a few seconds looking at Katie Holmes you forget she is dating I AM GOD Tom Cruise.