Peace nook

One of the stages of the emotional cycle of deployment is Emotional Disorganization.

• Despair
• Loneliness
• Overwhelmed by responsibility
• Sleeplessness
• Irritability
• Confusion

I'm right in the middle of it, but today I got a break in the clouds. Terry called this morning at 6:30 am, not his usually calling time. I was groggy but shook myself out of the fog because I wanted to keep talking. He was all excited because he sent me a Christmas present over email. I was visioning my portrait made out of dashes and dots :) Instead I saw a movie made just for me. Pictures of him in Iraq, us from our honeymoon, of the boys, our trips, all set to what else but Here Without You by 3 Doors Down. He sent it to family and friends too and it was a very sweet tribute. Now, I can't wait to see him more than ever...

I have the family curse of pessimism and despair. My growing up didn't have a whole helluva lot of joy in it but my life today (yes even with this deplyoment) has improve dramatically since then. I have a lot to be grateful for, but lately I've been sucked into despair thinking of death and destruction, how I will die, what would I do if my husband died or my mom. I think about how much time I have with her a lot these days. I feel much older than my 28 years. But I'm sure it's all par for the course for a war time wife. So you can understand why today, hearing my husband happy, and my gift, it's a weight off my shoulders. Even if for just a minute, I'm cherishing peace, happiness and hope for my life with what's most important to me - my family.

Deployment Day - Mother's Day 2005